For residents of San Francisco, being asked for money is part of a normal day. Though I feel a bit guilty (I am Catholic, after all), I'm generally comfortable saying, "No, sorry" to whatever is asked of me.
But the other day something very different happened, which jarred me out of my usual yes-I'm-answering-you-but-I'm-really-thinking-about-my-own-life response to panhandlers. As I walked into the Whole Foods parking lot, I was asked for change, promptly said sorry and kept walking. But then the woman standing on the sidewalk asked me something I hadn't anticipated. "Do you think you could get me some chicken wings?" Perplexed by this extra, different, question, I simply reverted to my usual negative answer, "No, sorry, I can't!" and walked into the store.
This incident stuck with me for the rest of the day. At first I was bugged by the answer I gave her. The answer "I can't" is much different than the, "No, sorry" I usually give. The latter is an answer depicting choice, the former is not. Furthermore, it was a lie. There was nothing barring me from getting her some food. I was physically able. I was about to walk into one of the most expensive grocery stores in the nation, so clearly I had enough money. I wasn't morally or religiously opposed to buying her some chicken wings. The correct answer to her question was actually, "Yes I can. But I don't want to."
And that bugged me even more. Why didn't I want to help this woman? First told myself that I didn't have enough time, which could have been true because I was on a half-hour lunch break. But a half-hour is more than enough time to eat a sandwich and pick up something extra. Then I told myself that since I work in the neighborhood, this woman would expect me to buy her something every time I saw her. But that wasn't right, either. How could I base a decision on something that hadn't happened yet? Finally, clearly trying anything to appease my guilt, I told myself, "Well, its not my responsibility to help her!"
UGH.
Having studied Sociology and International Development and worked for non-profits my entire adult career, I've spent over a decade trying to convince people that we are responsible for one another's well-being. And yet, here was this woman right in front of me asking for my help, and I was trying to rationalize my non-action by convincing myself of something opposite of the main tenet of my professional career (and personal life). Why would I write about how horrible life is for women in Cambodia or the Congo, thousands of miles away, and yet ignore the person right in front of me? Having worked and studied international development for the past 4 years, have I become too removed from the needs of the people in my own backyard?
At a party a number of years ago, I was asked about my choice to study and work in international development while there are so many problems I could work on right here. I mentioned that I had worked as a social worker at a women's shelter nearby, and though it was rewarding, I burned out in less than a year. I was hoping international development work removed the situation just enough that one didn't get completely overwhelmed.
But perhaps I've been too far removed. Maybe in my attempt to connect myself to people thousands of miles away, I've forgotten about the community I live in. I wish I could say I went back and bought the chicken wings that were requested of me, but I didn't. But maybe next time I won't be so quick to say no.
What do you think about international development work vs. social work in one's own community? Is there one that is more important? If you do development work, how do you stay connected to your community? If you were in my situation and were asked the same question, what would you have done?
Really thoughtful reflections Molly. I have also been in the position where I've said no to requests for help in my own neighborhood, and I think it's most often an automatic response I give without even considering that I could say yes (or might actually want to). But recently I actually did say yes to buying a woman some food (in her case, she wanted carrot juice!) and I have to say, I felt great handing over that container.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think it's about keeping a problem at arm's length - it's harder/scarier/more emotional to face examples of suffering, hunger, poverty or pain when it's right in front of you. So it might feel easier to work on behalf of people whose troubles are more anonymous. But I don't think you should negate or discredit the work you want to do for people thousands of miles away, just because there's need in your own backyard. There's need everywhere, and we each must chip away at it from all angles. So why not help people in other parts of the world, and perhaps also say 'yes' at home when you can too? Thanks for sharing.